Quiet Courage
There is a quiet courage that comes from an inward spring of confidence in the meaning and significance of life.
Howard Thurman
On a warm Queensland day, around 30 men gathered in a large white tent at a regional campsite. It was the second-to-last day of the men’s retreat, which had lasted for the best part of a week. The cabins and the kitchen and dining areas with the wrap-around veranda bathed in sunlight were back up the hill, along with all that felt safe. The initiates, including me, were surrounded by men who had already gone through the experience and were seen as returning elders. Their role was to help guide us through rituals and reflect on our experiences.
I know this sounds really culty, and taken out of context it is. However, in context, it’s a group of men who are all battling with different issues, life trauma, divorce, job loss, poor mental health, meaning of life questions, and so on. They have come together to go on a journey, a hero’s journey of sorts, to identify and work on some of these issues. All in an effort to be kinder, gentler, more generous people to themselves and others.
We had already shared stories, perspectives, and learnings. Now was the time for us to face some truths about life, and this is where the ‘meaning and significance’ comes into it. I’m not going to share the details of all the lessons learned at the retreat, but it was important for me to acknowledge that life itself is not about me. And yet, I am a part of life, deeply connected, rooted, whole. It was an opportunity to step away from self-importance and lean on a deeper, more ancient, and solid truth. The truth resonated as it reminded me of the interconnectedness we share with every living thing, the earth itself, and the divine. That we are made in the image of the divine, and each of us carry some of their spark or essence.
The move away from self-importance continues to be a difficult one for me, as the ego wants to keep reminding me how important my work is, how it can change the world, how significant it has already been. This kind of thinking has had a huge effect on my sense of self, my relationships, and my anxiety around my work.
My ego would want to explain, ‘You see, I’ve been on an important mission all my life, it has led to countless sacrifices, not investing in friendships, a belief that what I’m doing is more important than the work of many around me. That I am only worthwhile if I’m producing, helping, solving problems, making a difference. Anything that gets in the way of that, including self-care, needs to be pushed aside. Because if I pull this off (whatever the ‘this’ happened to be), then I’ll be significant, I’ll matter, I’ll be recognised, everyone will like me.’ And you can hear the cry of the hurt little boy… ‘everyone will like me.’
There are lots of other nuances like OCD, money pressures, values and family that play into my life choices. However, a significant factor has been the continual drive of another ‘this.’ I have found my ego to be a hungry beast, only settling temporarily for the biggest achievements, always pushing for more. I can feel the anxiety as I write, the pressured mornings that push quiet space aside so I can feel I’m continuing to make a difference.
All of this is based on a thin veneer of the significance and importance of me, not of Life. I’m slowly, slowly learning about the meaning and significance of Life. Like many others have described, Life is a strong, deep, fast-moving river, not one to be scared of, but one that is pulsating with activity, vibrancy, colour, and beauty. The invitation is to shed our limited self-belief and jump naked into the stream of Life, recognising that it is the very thing that sustains us. What the ego doesn’t like is that Life’s unpredictable. It doesn’t always feel safe. And worst of all, the ego loses its place as our central focus.
Courage comes from confidence in ‘the meaning and significance of life.’ Our life is wrapped up in Life, the heartbeat, the blood, the pulsing and vibrancy, the beauty we can see all around us if we take the time. The ego resists its shedding by all means possible. But if we can shed it, if we can continue choosing to leave behind our self-importance and embrace Life, then we will have the confidence and the courage to truly risk, to truly believe, and truly bring the wonderful gift of ourselves to the world. We’ll be able to do this because we are standing on a much firmer foundation than our flimsy ego.
Despite the pace of life, shedding the ego is an invitation to slow down, to let go of our desires for the gratification of the self, to stop the relentless drive for recognition, popularity, acceptance, wealth, importance, whatever it is. To take a deep breath and to let go. In those moments, when we can do that, it’s like the scales have been taken from our eyes and perhaps we can truly see for the first time. It is such a relief to be able to take that breath and, even for a moment, glimpse and feel the courage that comes from confidence in the meaning and significance of life.